I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
