She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We smell like vodka and hangover
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