Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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