Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
