I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
