What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
