Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
