i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
