We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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