Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
