Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
