please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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