he puts the penis in happiness.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
