Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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