I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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