I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
