i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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