Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
