I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
