So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
