Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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