you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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