I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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