can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You may now shotgun with the bride
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
