omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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