Heybabeimwearingurpanties
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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