Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
