it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Still dying that you shit outside
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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