I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
