can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
