Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was confusing and full of hummus
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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