Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
