is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize