It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
