he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize