Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
