does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
