I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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