This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
