I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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