Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
its liver damage thursday
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
