onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
