I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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