Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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