you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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