WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
