I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
