Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
