So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
