I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
