I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
