i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
