Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize