I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The air was thick with penises
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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