She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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