Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
