If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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