After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
