what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
