How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
