OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
