I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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