Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so let's talk penis.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
