You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize