Whoa Z and x make the same sound
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you had me at cake vodka
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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