A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
