i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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