He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
