what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
