I want to make a zoo with you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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