Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
