turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
