Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize