hotel room ftw
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize