You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
