One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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