I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
