I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
