I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
